Thought #2

He stepped off the bus looking left to right as if he was lost.  He wasn’t. This place had become familiar to him.  He knew where he was and where he was going. The only question was should he be going and was he welcomed? He did not know hence his hesitation after his long bus ride. The opportunity to turn back was leaving in ten minutes.  The wind blew cold causing him to pull his jacket a little closer.  That hit of cold air seemed to help him decide. He started walking. Slowly. Steadily. He looked up at the bleak sky. There would be rain.

As he walked, the memories of the night before brought a tear to his eye.  A tear that would run down his face, the very same place it had made tracks the day before.  What would he say to her? Was their world crashing because of a misunderstanding? Would he lose the one he loved so much.  The things that were said echoed in his mind. What she had said about him, were they true? Was he really just like every other man?  He struggled to understand. He struggled to accept his new reality while trying to justify his future. The future that might actually be without her. The future he would have to face in a few minutes.  Every step brought him closer to her apartment door.

The rain started to come down but it did nothing to hasten his footsteps.  His mind had gone back in time to the place when he fell in love with her. A place where their transition from friendship to intimacy, from smiles and friendly hellos to kisses and words filled with the emotions of love had taken three months, three months that felt like three years. This was not typical and just was not playing by the rules. Could she be the one?

He had been hurt before and the issue they faced was something he had to deal with on many occasions.  He felt lost. He was the only common factor. The only factor between these different females.   Was he meant to be alone even though he felt he had something to offer. Was he just not cut out for a lifetime shared with that one person to make each other happy?

The rain started coming harder but his stride stayed steady. He could see her light on.  She wasn’t expecting him.  Or was she?  He took a deep breath. She meant a lot to him and they had promised each other that no matter what they could talk. He found peace in that.  Who said there wouldn’t be bad times? No one is perfect. “Doesn’t it come down to what we mean to each other in the end?”, he thought.  For the first time in two days he smiled.  He knew they could work it out. He had gotten on the elevator. Four floors to go.  He wouldn’t give up on what they had. It was truly special.  The fact that he found himself there in his state of confusion meant something. One thing was clear, he was heading to the right place.

One way or the other it had to be resolved tonight. For his peace of mind it had to be. He would put his weaknesses on the table and hopefully she would do the same and from that they would both draw strength.  He stood at the door. He had his keys. He stood frozen for a minute. Was he really ready?  The door stood between his questions and his answers. He turned the key.  The door creaked open.

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